I am indebted to a great article in Psychology Today magazine by Preston Ni. And he recalls:

The term gaslighting originated from the 1944 film Gaslight, in which a husband systematically tormented his wife by convincing her that she’s insane, thereby robbing her objectivity and self-worth.

Ni goes on to cite eight types of manipulative scenarios. For example, politicians who rule through isolate and divide. Or there are bosses who perpetuate the ‘fake savior of a situation’, thus making others subservient. And all of this is wrapped in a combination of false promises and psychological control.

In my work as a business coach and business mentor, I have come across many cases, where clients are uncertain how to break free from situations. Their employer seems so nice. The client seems so important. And ‘what will happen without them if they leave’ is a cry I often hear.

Such episodes can be seen as a ‘golden cage’ situation. You feel that life is so good where you are and / or things cannot possibly be better elsewhere and / or that you cannot abandon your superior that you have to stay. Unfortunately, that picture in your head is frequently just an illusion.

That picture bears as much reality as the ones drawn by those same politicians and bosses who scare you into staying with them. After all, they cry, there is nobody else out there but me. Who could replace me and how could you think about letting me down?

So what is the tell-tale sign that you are up against one of these dangerous manipulators? Well, they are so busy pointing the finger at you and you are so concerned about protecting your image in their eyes, you forget what is most important. The word “I”. In other words, yourself.

The gaslighters do not allow you that freedom.

Now look around you. When do you next have an opportunity to vote? When are next due to talk with your department senior? When are you about to face up to a supplier you cannot tolerate? Consider if they might have a role in that 1941 film, and then find an appropriate response ……. based around your own requirements.