I have just read an amazingly important blog entitled “7 brutal life lessons everyone has to learn multiple times” .I specifically liked the emphasis on the line that “you cannot stay the same forever, and trying to do so will hurt you”.

With respect to the author, Nicolas Cole, I feel that he could have added one further point: Dealing, and then utilising, anger.

We all get angry, especially at work. As a business coach, I am frequently asked by clients how they should handle a supplier who does not perform, or a client who does not pay, or a colleague just…does not. And here’s the funny thing. In over 90% of the cases:

a) My customer finds it difficult to pin point just what ‘hurts’ them

b) The reason is often because the origin of the problem lies……with their own initial actions. And how most of us hate to admit that we are at fault!

Here is a personal anecdote that happened to me over the past few days. I was excluded from a project that I believed that I should have been part of and had a lot to contribute to. I appealed to various parties, as my voice registered increasing displeasure. It took me 24 hours to understand why I was annoyed, if not angry, and at whom.

However, in the process, I found myself going back several months to how the story had unraveled. Sure enough, I had to admit that could have and should have acted differently, and that is not just with the benefit of hindsight. Ouch. Painful for me!

(For the record, my initial position has not changed, but the parties are reconciled and still friends).

And now for the second point. There is second level to handling our anger. This is where you need to invoke some cognitive thinking.

For example, in sport, athletes curse injuries. Yet, the transmission period offers a time for reflection. First, they can use the time for other activities. They can also consider if they have been training properly, considering what has happened. The net result, after all the initial cursing, can be a stronger, better prepared and happier person.

In my case, I have began to use the rejection to consider where else I can be of use. I have already begun to direct my abilities in other areas, where the same project has not been so successful. I am still annoyed at what was, but I have achieved has also been recognized.

Bottom line? Much our anger resides in faults or mistakes that we are ultimately responsible for. It is not always so easy to accept that. Once you do so and then find the cognitive path to turn things to your advantage, then everyone becomes a winner.